VHS CONQUEST

  

Being in my 30s I can remember, very fondly, when the Video Store was a magical place which only had VHS tapes. I spent countless hours watching movies rented from every video store in a 10 mile radius and what I watched more than anything else was HORROR MOVIES. Horror movies spoke to me since childhood when I fell in love with Godzilla and then whatever other movies I got to see on Cable or Network TV (mainly on Saturday afternoons, but USA's SATURDAY NIGHTMARES was where I got to see the most and best stuff every week) and then when I was finally lucky enough to get a VCR (a neighbor gave us their old VCR, it had a remote on a cable) I was able to finally watch the movies I loved uncut and without commercial interruption and was no longer limited to only what programmers gave me to watch. This began my life long love of Horror on VHS.

    I can remember the first movie I rented: RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART 2. It was my favorite and seeing all the stuff TV cut out was really great to a 3rd grader! There were certain movies I rented over and over... EVIL DEAD, EVIL DEAD 2, DAWN OF THE DEAD... those were rented more times than I can even begin to count. Later I began buying movies... which at that time was expensive! A lot of tapes were $30 or so new... bargain tapes were cheaper but had lower quality prints. Also, most movies were out of print... Evil Dead was out of print until I was in high school... and obtaining a copy of out of print movies was nearly impossible so if you were lucky you either found a bootlegged copy (usually a 2nd or 3rd generation print that looked awful... I can remember splitting buying a Cannibal Holocaust bootleg for $40 with my friend Rob and having to drive an hour and a half just to do so) or had to steal said tape from a video store (which we did often) because the convenience of Ebay didn't exist yet to be able to find virtually any tape within seconds.

    Every video store was different and had different movies. Some movies were the stuff of legend and if your local stores didn't have it seeing it was next to impossible. The covers jumped off the shelves with fantastic, often graphic artwork and pictures. As a kid, the more outrageous or graphic the cover, the more i wanted to watch, but my dad was a barrier to this until i was old enough to get my OWN video card and then it was on! I waited so long to finally be able to get my own video card and on that day I was finally able to rent the grossest, sickest looking movies that had previously been forbidden to me and what a sweet day that was! I never understood the Big Boxes until later... I didn't get why those old movies had bigger boxes and could have never fathomed that they would be so desirable today, but we had a saying about the Big Box.... and i was "if the movie has a big Box... you're in trouble!" because usually those movies were graphic or really stunk... either was desirable. The WIZARD VIDEO and PARAGON boxes to me were the most memorable.

Remote w cable from 1st VCR

    I cannot end the section on Video Store nostalgia without mentioning the greatest video store of all time: ANTHONY COCCA'S VIDEO LAND. In the Youngstown area no place could beat it. Their horror selection was top notch. They had every Wizard release and virtually every movie that now can be found on the "most desirable/most expensive" VHS lists. They had SPINE, SPLATTER FARM, LUNCHMEAT, DEMON QUEEN... they had 'em all and much, much more to boot! At the time when they went out of business I recall going there to buy tapes for $5 each... Spine and many other big $$$ tapes were movies I passed on (because it sucks as a film) and I kick myself everyday because now it is so highly desirable! But I woulda probably just sold it anyhow because I don't really see the value in movies I don't even care or enjoy to watch.

    VHS gave way to DVD. A lot of movies that were out of print were sold at rock bottom prices when video stores made the DVD transition. this was a golden time to get many of those rare movies you had rented countless times. We would fill the trunks of our cars going to such sales. This was the great, short lived era of VHS CONQUEST where anything and everything you ever wanted was FINALLY available to own. I recall going to a Hollywood Video once I caught wind that they were selling off all VHS and GALAXY OF TERROR was the gem I wanted... I knew they had it as I had rented it there numerous times. I got there and it was gone! I was so pissed! I wonder to this day who the hell bought that... it wasn't any of my friends so I have no idea who else in my town wanted that movie as badly as me. A few years after that great era most video stores went out of business all together with the rise of Netflix, Redbox, etc and here we are today with a new generation rediscovering VHS.

    Everyone has their favorite eras and genres of movies. Some people like early Universal stuff, some 70's, some Euro, slasher, monsters, vampires, sleaze, action, martial arts, etc. I personally like a large array of genres and have my own opinions as to what is the best and what was crap as does everyone out there. Personally I liked the mid to late 80s through early 90s as this was the period which was current and relevant to me. I liked Early 90's and still do and I consider the era of the 80s to have spilled into the 90s and consider it the final golden era until the horror industry kind of collapsed for quite a while until being revived with movies like SAW, HOSTEL, etc many years later. Companies like FULL MOON, NEW HORIZONS, VIDMARK, etc put out great releases like CARNOSAUR, BASKET CASE 2, and DEAD ALIVE (the movie which i use as the measuring stick as to the end of the great era of horror on VHS as I consider it to be the final truly great/important movie of the VHS era) as well as some awesome major studio releases like GRAVEYARD SHIFT, POPCORN, BODY PARTS that still hit theaters but were overlooked at the time. I remember anxiously waiting for these movies to come to my video store.

My #1 most rented tape

    I only recently became aware of the boom of VHS collecting. Many classic movies have even been re-released or bootlegged and some tapes sell for hundreds upon hundreds of dollars on Ebay... I don't really know much about this and have little interest in this aspect of collecting but to younger people and those who just enjoy it for just whatever reason I at the very least think its cool that in the year 2013 VHS is still alive. I have always had an interest in thrift stores, flea markets, garage sales, etc and this is where the majority of my movies have always been obtained. Do I buy movies on DVD? Yes, of course and I enjoy the movies just the same and the picture quality is of course superior. But VHS to me is still desirable for a few reasons: first and foremost, the nostalgia and the fact that I never gave up on VHS and always still watched my old tapes and obtained new ones via my love of and the second big reason is the prices. I am not rich by ANY means and see this as just a hobby so buying tapes for 25 cents to $1 each rules since I am unable to have an expensive hobby. My rule is pay no more than $5 for a tape. I know many people pay $50 a pop for bootlegged re-releases and even more for originals on Ebay and to me that's fine if you got the bread to spend on it but i find the actual hunt and effort that goes into finding gems at flea markets or 2nd hand outlets more satisfying personally. Finding a pile of tapes and digging through them all is one of my favorite things to do.... sometimes I find nothing and sometimes I find gems. The hunt is always fun regardless if I find treasure, trash, or nothing at all... the conquest continues!

   I have seen many gems come and go. When I fall upon hard times I have sold my entire collection multiple times over the years and have rebuilt it multiple times. Some tapes I will never obtain again but the memory of watching said movie to me is more valuable than the physical copy sitting on my shelf because I rented so many movies and was never able to own them back then so that knowledge or memory was all you had of that movie once you returned it to the video store. That still sticks with me today. I made many friends over the years who shared a love for horror and VHS. It was something that an alienated kid found and it allowed me to escape into another world. For all of these reasons I still love horror and VHS.

Alien Rip-Offs/Future Horror in the 80's

(Before trying to watch the trailers be sure to pause the Hard Ass Radio player on the right!) After the success of ALIEN there was a flood of lower budget "Horror In Space/Future/Alien" movies. This is one of my favorite genres  since Alien was a super high-budget movie that had state of the art EVERYTHING... these imitations did not but they certainly gave it the old college try! I often use Alien as a measuring stick foor movies... like compare movies made 5, hell, even 10 years after Alien and Alien makes most of it look like it was made in the 60's in comparison. Making futuristic space ships and gadgets on a low budget generally makes for some good comedy (one movie has a corridor in a spaceship that looks like it is literally lined with Big mac boxes!). But some of these stand on their own as decent/watchable movies despite their meager budgets. Let's discuss!

First up we have my favorite of them all: GALAXY OF TERROR. This movie had an all star cast, featuring everyone from Freddy Kruger himself (Robert Englund) to Mr Hand (Fast Times At Ridgemont High), and Joannie from Happpy Days! How can you not  like this movie with that lineup of stars? This nonsense concerns a crew sent to a planet on some bogus mission by some oracle or something. Turns out this planet somehow has the ability to make your worst nightmares come true. There are some imaginitive deaths and some are quite gruesome... this movie certainly has plenty of gore and slime to go around. One of the women is even raped to death by a giant maggot! How could you possibly go wrong with THAT? Turns out whoever survives this journey through their worst nightmares gets to become the new Oracle or something of that like. The art used  for this movie is classic and the tag line is one of my favorites: "YOUR COUNTDOWN TO HELL IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!" This is the cream of the crop in regards to the early 80's Space horror movies and is highly watchable.

Next we have HORROR PLANET also known as Insemenoid. This movie features a woman astronaut who is raped by an alien in a cave on a distant planet who gains super strength and turns evil as a result of the alien baby she is impregnated with. Got all that? Seems like a reasonable plot line right? Some very funny scenes of the woman overpowering and man-handling her crew mates. Not as gruesome or shocking as you might think it would be... but it is a fun entry in this genre. The artwork used is some of my favorite as it features women being held by a reptilian claw in outerspace while floating eyes shoot lasers at them

Another solid entry in this genre is CREATURE. This one is very watchable and was a staple of the shelves at just about every video store ever. The Monster is very familiar looking (HR Geiger should have been paid royalties) but this time the alien creature is a very ancient one that has been let loose by a previous space crew when they stumbled upon an ancient "butterfly collection" of misc alien creatures. The Monster has the ability to control minds and can even reanimate dead corpses. This has some great gore scenes (including a great exploding head) and some more nice touches to make this one of the most watchable and entertaining movies of the genre since it throws in some other elements into the mix like Psychic Horror, Zombies, etc. The always great Klus Kinski is on hand too.This is a forgotten winner that everyone needs to see and a staple of many lost Saturday afternoons.






    A more seldom seen entry in this genre is FORBIDDEN WORLD also known as MUTANT. This movie is not to be confused with the later 80's MUTANT that is a really crummy zombie movie that features cover art of a monster that is never seen in the movie. This is a total Alien rip, the alien monster is a dead ringer too. This is extremely gory and is famous for it's scene where the monster is destroyed when it eats the canerous liver and vomits to death.it is for gore enthusiasts and people who want to see every movie in this Space Horror genre only since it is difficult to find and usually expensive when you do. For now you can buy a bootlegged DVD on IOffer or wait till it is eventually released on DVD.

    Lastly we have Italy's input with CONTAMINATION, sometimes called ALIEN CONTAMINATION. This splattery movie has very familiar looking alien eggs on earth, but watch out! If you touch these eggs you will explode! Literally! You can imagine there's some gore since it is Italian and it does involve people exploding. This movie follows the always wacky formula that many other Italian movies of this time period followed which is the movie begins in the city, but somehow they end up by the end in the jungle of some other country. Turns out there is a terrorist organization producing the eggs and using them for their agenda. The end is great as it features a random monster that produces the eggs which is straight out of a Nintendo game like Contra since it is just a giant monster face in a wall. Really silly... those of you who played video games like Contra and the like will really see the resemblance to this monster and a main boss you would see in one of those games. Also, this had lots of the same music that was  in ZOMBIE CREEPING FLESH/NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES, and it is obvious some of those same ppl worked on this movie. Check the trailer below:





    In the 90's there were some other decent Space Horror movies worth noting like DARK SIDE OF THE MOON, DARK UNIVERSE (that was rated EM "Extremely Mature" instead of the standard R for no good reason since is it is pretty tame) and the big budget EVENT HORIZON. There are many more movies in this genre and I am sure I missed some, so please feel free to post about them yourself if you feel there are any I missed. Enjoy some trailers! Be sure to PAUSE THE HARD-ASS RADIO player 1st!

90's Scfi-Fi/Action

In the late 80's and early  90's there was a glut of Sci Fi/Action/Horror movies, most were direct to video. many of these were a result of the success of movies like Predator, Terminator 2, etc. Today I am going to focus on 2 great movies in this genre that are all but forgotten: "I COME IN PEACE" (1991) and "SPLIT SECOND" 1992).

I COME IN PEACE (aka Dark Angel) stars Ivan Draggo himself  DOLPH LUNDGREN as a tough/good cop on the streets of Houston who runs afoul of an evil alien drug dealer that if killing drug addicts to harvest their adrenaline the body produces when high on heroin (by taking it  from their brains) which is apperently a very rare drug on whatever planet he comes from. The alien is played by MATTHIAS HUES, who stands about 6' 6" and in the movie appears to be even taller than Lundgren (who towers over the rest of the cast) which makes the final showdown between these 2 pretty impressive. The alien does not speak any words other than a robotic "I COME IN PEACE". There is a good alien cop on hand that tells Lundgren that it is important to kill the bad alien because if he returns to his home planet w/ the drugs, then many other intergalactic drug dealers will come to earth to harvest more drugs and it will be "a slaughter". The movie is low on gore content and the basic idea is a poor man's Predator (esp  considering the Alien's weaponry) set in a big city, but this movie is more than watchable. It has a nice Government cover-up/asshole FBI agent subplot and enough tough cop/one liners to keep you chuckling as well as big explosions. Also, this was released/distributed by  one of my favorite 90's video companies: Media. They sure don't make movies  like this anymore!

Some of the best lines from I Come In Peace: 

FBI Agent: "The Difference between me and you is I am a team player"  LUNDGREN: "Yea?  Well your team sucks!"

ALIEN: "I Come in peace"    LUNDGREN: "And you go in pieces, asshole!"

Next we have SPLIT SECOND with everybody's favorite tough guy RUGER HAUER. This is set in the future in England where global warming has caused flooding problems and some kind of monster that looks like a nastier version of the liquid metal T-1000 from Terminator 2 is ripping people's hearts out. This one features Sex In The City's KIM KATRALL in a pre-menopausal role and yes, you get to see her boobies. Also it features a funny cameo by Motorhead's LEMMY where he gives a (biased) endorsement of his band's music. Hauer has to figure out who or WHAT is behind all these heart-rippings and it turns out that that silly liquid metal monster is the devil! (Whoops! Did I ruin that for you?). Plenty  of tough guy stuff here as well as horror elements. A fun movie to watch. I believe this one was actually released in theaters but did very poorly. The monster looks really cool but it is seldomly seen due to the movie's meager budget which was for sure wasted on paying washed-up Hauer.


Both are all but forgotten movies that you can easily find for $1 or so a pop on Amazon on VHS. Great movies to have in your collection or to waste a saturday afternoon watching esp if you are  looking for some macho dudes vs monsters movies! Check some video from both movies below! (Make sure to pause the Hard Ass Radio player 1st!)